how to tell your parents you self harm

3 min read 05-02-2025

Self-harm can feel isolating and overwhelming. If you're struggling and considering telling your parents, know that you're taking a brave first step. This isn't easy, but it's a significant step towards getting the support you need. This article provides a guide on how to approach this difficult conversation.

Understanding Your Feelings and Fears

Before you talk to your parents, take some time to process your own feelings. What are you most afraid of? What are your hopes for the outcome of the conversation? Acknowledging your fears can help you prepare for the conversation and manage your anxiety. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be beneficial.

Common Fears

Many young people fear their parents' reactions. Some common concerns include:

Judgment: You might worry your parents will be angry, disappointed, or dismissive.
Loss of Control: You might fear losing your independence or having your privacy invaded.
Lack of Understanding: You might worry they won't understand self-harm or how to support you.

These fears are valid. However, remember that your parents likely love you and want what's best for you. They may react with surprise or concern, but their ultimate goal is likely to help you.

Choosing the Right Time and Place

The setting for this conversation matters. Choose a time when you and your parents are relatively calm and have some uninterrupted time together. Avoid stressful situations or times when someone is rushed. A quiet place where you can talk privately is ideal.

Starting the Conversation

There's no single "right" way to begin. Consider these options:

Direct Approach: "Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you about something important. I've been self-harming."
Indirect Approach: "Mom, Dad, I've been struggling lately and I need your help." This allows you to gauge their reaction before going into specifics.
Written Note: If speaking directly feels too overwhelming, consider writing a letter or email. This allows you to express yourself clearly and at your own pace.

Remember, any attempt to communicate is a positive step.

What to Say to Your Parents

Honesty is crucial. Explain what self-harm means to you. Be as clear and specific as you feel comfortable. Consider sharing:

What you're doing: Describe the specific methods you use.
Why you're doing it: Explain the emotions you're trying to manage (anxiety, depression, anger, etc.). You don't have to have all the answers.
How long it's been happening: Provide a timeframe.
Your needs: Explain what kind of support you're hoping to receive.

After You Tell Your Parents

After sharing this with your parents, it's important to allow yourself and your parents to process the information. Be patient with yourself and them. They might need time to understand and react appropriately.

Possible Parental Reactions

Your parents might react with:

Shock or disbelief: Give them time to process the information.
Anger or frustration: Try to remain calm and reassure them of your desire for help.
Concern and support: This is the ideal reaction, but it's important to be prepared for other possibilities.

Seeking Professional Help

Telling your parents is a crucial first step, but it's not the only step. Seeking professional help is essential. Your parents can help you find a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist specializing in self-harm and related issues.

Resources:

The Jed Foundation: Provides resources and support for young adults struggling with mental health issues.
The Trevor Project: Offers crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ young people.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Available 24/7 at 988.

Remember, you are not alone. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By taking this step, you're taking control of your well-being and creating a path toward healing. Your parents' love and support, combined with professional guidance, will help you navigate this challenging time.